The Lonely Kazoo: A Synthetic Journey to Heaven

by The Lonely Kazoo Band

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about

The Lonely Kazoo (short: LKZ) is the operatic story of young kazoo searching for a new home as a post-consumer product. After a raucous party in which his value-pak family is torn open by a joyful human group, our hero is discarded in the city streets. Once dirty, no human will ever play him again, yet still he exists. He is plastic, and will be on earth for at least 10,000 years, but never again as an instrument.

LKZ takes us on a wonderful, but perhaps not unusual, journey through city gutters and down great American rivers. We visit abandoned rust best factories and terrifying forests. We make it to the sea and just float where the current takes us… the plastic garbage patch in the Pacific.

Home, at last, forever.

credits

released May 1, 2010

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Track Name: Valupak Fun!
NARRATOR
Gather round y'all be careful what you do
And listen to the story of the Lonesome Little Kazoo
Open up the valu pak, spread it all around
Here's a little lesson how to make that joyful sound

LKZ
Now put your lips around me
Us Kazoos, we sure don't bite
Hum a little ditty
A little louder - ah that's right.
Here's the beat, just clap your hands
Stomp and shout and groove
There'll always be a party
As long as you've got a kazoo

NARRATOR

Grab your partner, everyone
Gather round and hear this song
It's about a poor ol' lonely kazoo
One day when he's forgotten

And all his friends are dead and rotten
And he'll still be finding his own way

LKZ
This Party's great
let's all sing and clap our hands
We'll never let the good times end
I hope you're all having as much fun as I am

And everybody's making life long friends

NARRATOR

Now that this party's over there's a can right by the door
Just drop that piece of plastic, you don't need him anymore
sweep up the confetti and tidy up the room
When you've had your fill of parties no one loves the little kazoo

LKZ

Just wait one second...
Hey, Where's everybody going?
Won't you take me home with you please?
Hold on guys... I thought we were...
Hey wait a minute

[sound of slamming car door. The sound of Joyful party goers fades into the distance.]
Track Name: The Gutter
What's our kazoo to do
in the big scary city?
Tossed from the window of a car
now unwanted and cold

It's hard for a lonely kazoo
to sing the blues
no one will hum inside him
now that he's dirty and used

He gives his best hum
as the wind blows him along the gutter
kids are scolded for touching him
and a confused man looks and mutters

It's hard for a lonely kazoo
to sing the blues
no one will hum inside him
now that he's dirty and used

What is this material I am made of?
I'm just a long chain of carbons
there are no microbes to eat me
I will live here forever
and no one will ever hold me
I won't feel the warmth of their breath
the sweet sound of billowing brightly
the tender tone of intention
caressing deeply inside me
I'm made of plastic, and I'm no longer wanted here.
Track Name: The Dumpster
Hey little Kazoo, you’re in the Dumpster now
Straight out of the gutter and into the trash
You thought you were lonely then, well just wait til you’re lonely now
Hey little kazoo, you’re on the top of the bottom

Hey little kazoo, they’ve got you where they don’t want you
You’re going to the dump and they’re gonna dump you from a bin
You’ll wait five thousand years and then you’ll wait five thousand more
Nobody loves you when they stick you in the ground

Tell him boys!

[Trash banter]

Big Mac: I was the greatest value on the menu. Look at me now!

Chia head: They tried to grow me, but I didn’t turn out right.

Hey Little Kazoo –

ALL: HOW DO YOU DO?

Hey little kazoo, I know the way around here
And I’ve got a secret that I’m itchin to tell
They say there’s a drain pipe goes straight to the river
The river, he’ll take you back to your factory

Now maybe you won’t make it, maybe you’ll get stuck
A big fish’ll eat you or you’ll get run over by a truck
But you take your chances, you make your choice
If you don’t want to die in this dumpster, I wish you good luck
Track Name: The Drainpipe
Flushed down a drainpipe
This beautiful drainpipe
And I just don't care where it goes.

Feel like I'm rafting
Down a great river
And it's taking me closer to home

The sludge and grime
I'm slipping
That petrol smell
I'm shaking
My voice-box reed is humming anew
I'm gonna be home soon

Can't wait to make it to my factory home
Where the value packs are 2 for 1
We'll sing and dance and hum our lives away

It's cold outside but the water's warm
It gurgles and churns while the maggots swarm
I've finally found the life of luxury

The sludge and grime
I'm slipping
That petrol smell
I'm shaking
My voice-box reed is humming anew
I'm gonna be home soon

[Kazoooooooo soloooooo]

I'm gonna be home soon!
Track Name: The Lonesome Plastic Factory
There stands the proud and lonesome plastic factory
No more does it billow no more does it smoke
They say they've run out of oil
They've run out of effort and toil
Lonesome factory I still love you just the same

The sky was once filled with your blossoming smoke rings
And the Birdsong was drowned by your hammering gears
What a sight to behold
To look back on with pride when I'm old
Lonesome factory I still love you just the same

Now there's a creek that will flow all the way to the ocean
And the meadow stretches as far as I can see
They've torn down the dams
Watched the flowers spring up through the sand
But Lonesome factory I still love you just the same

[kazoo solo!]

There stands the proud and lonesome plastic factory
No more does it billow no more does it smoke
They say they've run out of oil
They've run out of effort and toil
Lonesome factory I still love you just the same

Oh Lonesome factory I still love you just the same
Track Name: The Scary Forest (of Trees)
I'm in a forest of trees
Big scary trees
There's so much life around me
Help me please

No florescent light
To wash out the night
I'm surrounded by birds and bees
That gnash and bite

I thought I was mortal once
Now I know I'm not

The fungus and moss
crawl along my plastic shell
They cling to me
They burn and sting

They hold me close
Almost morose
They're a million molecular compounds
And I'm just three

I'm all alone, please let me be
I'm trying to make it to the sea
Track Name: Out to Sea - Home at Last (and Everybody's All Choked Up)
Out to Sea:

I’m going out to sea
I’m going out to see what I can find
Like a fish into the salty brine
But all the fish are dead,
so It’s just me
On an oil slick so pretty blue and green
Like a phosphorescent rainbow without a breeze
And I can’t breath
The water’s as thick as tar
I don’t know how much farther I can go

Home at Last (and you’re all choked up)

What’s that floatin’ in the deep blue sea?
It’s a hundred different colors and it looks like me
I’m home. Oh baby I’m home
I’m home at last and darlin’ you’re all choked up

Albatross soaring in the sky so clear
Looking for something to eat down here
But I’m home. Oh baby I’m home
I’m home at last and the albatross is all choked up

Not many fishes hangin’ around
Sea turtles all floating upside down
Little plastic rings wrapped around their throats
Tangled in the nets from the fishing boats

It’s not quite liquid and it’s not quite land
Just a big soupy mess, but it’s oh so grand
I’m home. Oh baby I’m home
I’m home at last and everybody’s all choked up

[solo]

Not many fishes hangin around
Sea turtles all floating upside down
Little plastic rings wrapped around their throats
Tangled in the nets from the fishing boats

It’s not quite liquid and it’s not quite land
Just a big soupy mess, but it’s oh so grand
I’m home. Oh baby I’m home
I’m home at last and everybody’s all choked up