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The Lonely Kazoo: A Synthetic Journey to Heaven

by The Lonely Kazoo Band

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1.
Valupak Fun! 02:40
NARRATOR Gather round y'all be careful what you do And listen to the story of the Lonesome Little Kazoo Open up the valu pak, spread it all around Here's a little lesson how to make that joyful sound LKZ Now put your lips around me Us Kazoos, we sure don't bite Hum a little ditty A little louder - ah that's right. Here's the beat, just clap your hands Stomp and shout and groove There'll always be a party As long as you've got a kazoo NARRATOR Grab your partner, everyone Gather round and hear this song It's about a poor ol' lonely kazoo One day when he's forgotten And all his friends are dead and rotten And he'll still be finding his own way LKZ This Party's great let's all sing and clap our hands We'll never let the good times end I hope you're all having as much fun as I am And everybody's making life long friends NARRATOR Now that this party's over there's a can right by the door Just drop that piece of plastic, you don't need him anymore sweep up the confetti and tidy up the room When you've had your fill of parties no one loves the little kazoo LKZ Just wait one second... Hey, Where's everybody going? Won't you take me home with you please? Hold on guys... I thought we were... Hey wait a minute [sound of slamming car door. The sound of Joyful party goers fades into the distance.]
2.
The Gutter 02:33
What's our kazoo to do in the big scary city? Tossed from the window of a car now unwanted and cold It's hard for a lonely kazoo to sing the blues no one will hum inside him now that he's dirty and used He gives his best hum as the wind blows him along the gutter kids are scolded for touching him and a confused man looks and mutters It's hard for a lonely kazoo to sing the blues no one will hum inside him now that he's dirty and used What is this material I am made of? I'm just a long chain of carbons there are no microbes to eat me I will live here forever and no one will ever hold me I won't feel the warmth of their breath the sweet sound of billowing brightly the tender tone of intention caressing deeply inside me I'm made of plastic, and I'm no longer wanted here.
3.
The Dumpster 02:43
Hey little Kazoo, you’re in the Dumpster now Straight out of the gutter and into the trash You thought you were lonely then, well just wait til you’re lonely now Hey little kazoo, you’re on the top of the bottom Hey little kazoo, they’ve got you where they don’t want you You’re going to the dump and they’re gonna dump you from a bin You’ll wait five thousand years and then you’ll wait five thousand more Nobody loves you when they stick you in the ground Tell him boys! [Trash banter] Big Mac: I was the greatest value on the menu. Look at me now! Chia head: They tried to grow me, but I didn’t turn out right. Hey Little Kazoo – ALL: HOW DO YOU DO? Hey little kazoo, I know the way around here And I’ve got a secret that I’m itchin to tell They say there’s a drain pipe goes straight to the river The river, he’ll take you back to your factory Now maybe you won’t make it, maybe you’ll get stuck A big fish’ll eat you or you’ll get run over by a truck But you take your chances, you make your choice If you don’t want to die in this dumpster, I wish you good luck
4.
Flushed down a drainpipe This beautiful drainpipe And I just don't care where it goes. Feel like I'm rafting Down a great river And it's taking me closer to home The sludge and grime I'm slipping That petrol smell I'm shaking My voice-box reed is humming anew I'm gonna be home soon Can't wait to make it to my factory home Where the value packs are 2 for 1 We'll sing and dance and hum our lives away It's cold outside but the water's warm It gurgles and churns while the maggots swarm I've finally found the life of luxury The sludge and grime I'm slipping That petrol smell I'm shaking My voice-box reed is humming anew I'm gonna be home soon [Kazoooooooo soloooooo] I'm gonna be home soon!
5.
There stands the proud and lonesome plastic factory No more does it billow no more does it smoke They say they've run out of oil They've run out of effort and toil Lonesome factory I still love you just the same The sky was once filled with your blossoming smoke rings And the Birdsong was drowned by your hammering gears What a sight to behold To look back on with pride when I'm old Lonesome factory I still love you just the same Now there's a creek that will flow all the way to the ocean And the meadow stretches as far as I can see They've torn down the dams Watched the flowers spring up through the sand But Lonesome factory I still love you just the same [kazoo solo!] There stands the proud and lonesome plastic factory No more does it billow no more does it smoke They say they've run out of oil They've run out of effort and toil Lonesome factory I still love you just the same Oh Lonesome factory I still love you just the same
6.
I'm in a forest of trees Big scary trees There's so much life around me Help me please No florescent light To wash out the night I'm surrounded by birds and bees That gnash and bite I thought I was mortal once Now I know I'm not The fungus and moss crawl along my plastic shell They cling to me They burn and sting They hold me close Almost morose They're a million molecular compounds And I'm just three I'm all alone, please let me be I'm trying to make it to the sea
7.
Out to Sea: I’m going out to sea I’m going out to see what I can find Like a fish into the salty brine But all the fish are dead, so It’s just me On an oil slick so pretty blue and green Like a phosphorescent rainbow without a breeze And I can’t breath The water’s as thick as tar I don’t know how much farther I can go Home at Last (and you’re all choked up) What’s that floatin’ in the deep blue sea? It’s a hundred different colors and it looks like me I’m home. Oh baby I’m home I’m home at last and darlin’ you’re all choked up Albatross soaring in the sky so clear Looking for something to eat down here But I’m home. Oh baby I’m home I’m home at last and the albatross is all choked up Not many fishes hangin’ around Sea turtles all floating upside down Little plastic rings wrapped around their throats Tangled in the nets from the fishing boats It’s not quite liquid and it’s not quite land Just a big soupy mess, but it’s oh so grand I’m home. Oh baby I’m home I’m home at last and everybody’s all choked up [solo] Not many fishes hangin around Sea turtles all floating upside down Little plastic rings wrapped around their throats Tangled in the nets from the fishing boats It’s not quite liquid and it’s not quite land Just a big soupy mess, but it’s oh so grand I’m home. Oh baby I’m home I’m home at last and everybody’s all choked up

about

The Lonely Kazoo (short: LKZ) is the operatic story of young kazoo searching for a new home as a post-consumer product. After a raucous party in which his value-pak family is torn open by a joyful human group, our hero is discarded in the city streets. Once dirty, no human will ever play him again, yet still he exists. He is plastic, and will be on earth for at least 10,000 years, but never again as an instrument.

LKZ takes us on a wonderful, but perhaps not unusual, journey through city gutters and down great American rivers. We visit abandoned rust best factories and terrifying forests. We make it to the sea and just float where the current takes us… the plastic garbage patch in the Pacific.

Home, at last, forever.

credits

released May 1, 2010

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